GW_120

 I took a much needed nap (with the warm cloth thankyouverymuch) 
When I woke up tho the whole family was there (as usual with what's going on right now) and they forced me to eat because they all know that I haven't been so when the kitchen was clear I weighed out 10 oz. of watermelon (if you don't have a food scale get one! they're awesome) and had to eat it in front of my mom. I looked it up and it's 85 calories. I don't feel too too horrible because that fast just sort of happened, I didn't plan it thank God. But thankfully the watermelon was just fine, I wouldn't touch that greasy pizza shit left over from everyone else. At least 85 cals is a quick jog. Pop a hoodia, do some homework, finish my gallon of water and call it a night. 
Loves

 Ok so it's been 48 hours on my "fast" that I haven't even tried doing. I weighed myself and I'm still a disgusting 142.5 but it's still down from 145 a few days ago. I realized that i haven't really established my goals........
Goal 1: 139 by Sept. 7th
Goal 2: I don't know. I'll be gone for a long long time with no scale....... We'll see. 
I'm kind of going by my BMI. 
at 140 I'm 21.9
133 I'm 20.8
127 I'm 19.9
117 I'm 18.3 (LTG)
I'll attatch dates to these weights when I get back at the end of September. I'll be able to be here at a computer and away from the family.
Right now I'm........ I dont know I have to check my BMI after posting this. 

I have a really really really bad headache tho. What do you guys suggest doing about headaches from not eating? I dont want to take an ibuprofin because I'm scared my stomach will just freak out and I'll be in pain. I've tried just sleeping but I wake up and it feels like I'm hungover---- only worse. And my headache gets worse everytime I wake up. I tried just studying to get my mind off of it...... doesn't work.
Help me

 Something pretty tragic happened to my family yesterday. I dont wanna go into detail because I dont know who's on here that I may know. All I know is that it's something extremely serious and all I can think of is, "wow I haven't eaten in 24 hours (in a few minutes from now) and I'm not even hungry." Fucked up.
I'm going to the hospital in a few hours and I still think, "hey I won't eat the rest of the day now." 
I'm a fucked up heartless bitch to be thinking of things like that. 
But i'm not heartless, I do care, I care so much that I haven't slept or eaten and have only cried the past 24 hours. but why must something like THIS still be on my mind at a time like this? 
Please pray for my family. Even tho we don't know each other personally, we know each other's secrets and I think that's enough to know somebody, and we support each other like a family.
Ill be back when I can.

Ok. I knew I would gain. And I did. Whatever, I did it to myself and now I'm just going to work even harder. I said my goal would be 400 but I've decided I should go with 600 (cals.) I think that maybe part of the problem was that i was restricting-but not setting strict number-of-cals-per-day rules. so I'm doing it. 600. I'm about to go grocery shopping soon.
Sug.Free jello, fruits, veggies, sug.free red bull, 100 cal popcorn bags (for my crazy salt addiction), chicken broth, lettuce, this one brand of dressing that's 20 cals per 2 tblsp. and actually tastes good, egg beaters, any more ideas???? 
I'm just gonna go shop, do homework and keep myself busy, then i wont have to think about it. And load up on Hoodia. 
That's another thing, I've been taking Hoodia and I've noticed this in the past and sorry, It's kinda gross, but I haven't "gone to the bathroom" in like 2 days now. I've never taken a laxi cuz I didn't know how MUCH it would affect you. All day??? I work today so should I wait til i get home?? Thanks

woke up this morning at 144.6

only 1.2 loss!? Well I guess, I didn't get to work out yesterday, won't be able to today but i'll do some crunches. Gotta go to class!!! First Day!!! Time to keep busy busy busy. I'll post later about my intake.
Good luck everyone, have a great day.

Today: started at 145.7 or 145.8

B: one egg (70)
1/2 cheese (35)
coffee (10)

L: Doritos --------------what the fuck??? i was CRAVING salt any ideas what to do about that? (230) left about 5 in the 250 cal bag.
Diet Coke (0)

D: Salad that i guessed to be about 530 calories after i figured out the dressing (fat free ranch and i checked the label), cucumbers, tomatos, bit o' chicken. And a diet coke (0)

With a hoodia pill at 2pm and 4pm. I was gonna take one at 7pm but realized i didn't even need it. (yessss!)

SO total for today: 875. 
Meh. Could be better but im not complaining. And thank god i have no cravings tonight. Nights are my worst, it's when ill attack the fridge. Just gonna finish my jug of water and I can call it a night. HOPEFULLY tomorrow i can see a dip in the scale. I'm almost scared to drink the rest of my water because i don't wanna fill up on water but i know i should (about 1/4 of a gallon-ish) 
The salt issue is hard because i know alternatives to salt; veggies drowned in salt, handful of nuts, chicken broth, etc. but when im working and it's RIGHT THERE and there's no access to other things, i cave.

CW: 145.8

B: Coffee, one egg, 1/2 cheese   (115 cals.)

Whoa I've been gone for awhile. But I'm back. So this morning I weighed in at 145.8. NO Good! But not 149. God. 
I promise I'll write more and promise I'll do better. So far today: Diet Coke (0 cals) and 1/2 turkey sandwich but i ripped off the crust, and most of the bread anyway so i basically had turkey, tomato, cheese and lettuce. I'm guessin...... 100 cals?? Not bad for being 3pm.

8-21

 

CW: 149 (Inaccurate. Weighed in the morning after breakfast and water.)

 

I could just be lying to myself and need to admit that I’m just a fat ass. So I did really well yesterday at the start. Had 1 thing of yogurt, 3 pickles, 2 glasses of crystal lite and a veggie patty with ½ tablespoon of ketchup and then when I got home from work binged out on 2 pieces of pizza and a ¼ bag of Doritos.

Today is going to suck really bad. I’m going out to eat with my boyfriend it’s a “surprise” where we’re going. I’m scared that he’s going to bring me somewhere American or Italian. I’ve used the trick before to “try something new” when you go to a restaurant and then order something you know you won’t want then it’s not weird you’re not eating. If we go Amer. Or Ital., which I really think we are, it’s a lot harder to use that trick. I’m just going to have to watch it all day and take it easy there. I hate trying to guesstimate the number of calories from restaurants, it’s always more than you think it is. Wish me luck. I usually tried to do the old “I’m dieting so no bread, alcohol, etc…” but back in the day he noticed my not eating and found my diet pills and a weight tracking sheet so he gets upset when I’m “dieting”. I don’t care, we’ll see how this goes tonight.

Ps: I’m going somewhere in 2 weeks and 3 days. My goal is to be 139 by then. Realistic??? Bah…..

I’ve only been up for an hour but for breakfast I’ve had: 2 eggs. (cals??? 70 each? 80?)

I’m going with 160 total today.

So I'm not even going to SAY what I ate today. It's disgusting. Now I have the world's most painful stomach ache and cannot wait to just lay down and go to bed. 
I guess I should kinda introduce myself.... Not too detailed tho. I'm 22, college student. Work 40 hours a week for party money. (that's my problem.) I turned 21 and as gross as it is, I gained like 15 pounds just in one year. i need to learn to go out and not drink. 
My other problem (my love) is my boyfriend. When we have our lazy days together... we eat. Well he gorges out and I pick. I'll have this and that and those and these and I hate it! Being a boy, he eats whatever he wants and doesn't turn into a fatass, I on the other hand.... hmm. 
Well I guess that's all I can think of for now. Think Thin!

So I haven't used this thing in awhile but I'm back. I was lo2005 but had to change it cuz i wanted to start fresh (and it's not 2005 anymore). So I've always had issues and those issues seemed to go away awhile ago and now they're coming back. I loved using LJ because it was the thing I looked forward to everyday to check everyone's posts and see how they were doing and it helped me. 
I've definately gained since then....

H: 5'7"
CW: 147
HW: 151
LW: 7lb. 8 oz. haha kidding. The lowest I remember is 102
STGW: 125
LTGW: 110

Looking forward to keeping up with this and reading it everyday!